So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
