..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
