oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
