Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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