He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
