Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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