she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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