as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
