ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
