Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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