so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
