I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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