Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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