Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
