She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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