Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dicks are not precious.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
