i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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