thus making me awesome and them whores
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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