...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
