Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
