don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
