Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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