I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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