he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
