If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
