did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
