4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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