wat bout pragnant strippers??
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
