Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
