I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
