Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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