Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
