You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
