i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
