like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
