You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize