As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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