you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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