The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
