I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have aggressive nipples.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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