At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
