you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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