the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
