I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
