true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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