You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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