Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
