Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
