Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wanna go halves on a baby?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
