i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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