I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
