Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
