Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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