my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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