Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
