I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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