some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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