She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
