There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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