It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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