Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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