Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
