you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
