i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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