On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
