god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
