So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
