This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
