and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
