I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
