Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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