i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
