that's an acceptable place to lick
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
