Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
