So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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